Beverly Hills Demon Slayer Read online

  "At least it's in a cage," Dimitri offered.

  "Truly?" That was all he had? I threw up my hands. "Next time, think before you get all testosterone-y."

  Dimitri looked at me like I was the crazy one.

  "Look how dirty it is," I told him. "I'm not having that in my house." I didn't know what we were going to do with it. "It's a mess and I'm going to have to take care of it." I always did.

  Dimitri stared at me for a second too long.

  "What?" I asked, straightening the T-shirt I wore, tucking back my hair, trying to get a handle on something…anything.

  He cocked his head as if I were some strange phenomenon. "For a split second, you reminded me of your mother."

  H-e-double-hockey-sticks. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that." In fact, I was starting to hope this whole thing had been a dream.

  He grinned, despite himself. "What happened to always telling the truth?"

  "I'm not so sure that works in real life." Besides, my mom was a control freak. I was just a girl who didn't want to stumble upon strange creatures in the middle of the night. "I mean did you see that thing? It devoured that ball of light like it was a Scooby Snack. What was that thing, anyway?"

  Dimitri shook his head. "I've never seen anything like it." He eyed the spittle dripping from the creature's fangs. A red mist seeped out from between the bars. Dimitri held the knife as if he were tempted, sorely tempted, to end it all right now. "The only thing I can tell you is it's not from this dimension."

  I gave it a sideways glance. "Thank God for that."

  Dimitri pulled a flashlight out of his pants pocket and handed it to me. "I don't think it's going anywhere. Let's see if we can learn more about what happened."

  "Right." We'd just leave it here, then.

  For now.

  I shook my head, muttering.

  We knew the honeymoon couldn't last forever. Of course we were going to have to get back to our badass lives eventually. But this wasn't the way I wanted it to happen—dragged out of bed, confronted with a demonic beast, fifty feet from our new home, no less.

  I hated the fact that leaving an evil creature on my beach was actually the better choice right now. We needed to determine who was after us, and what they wanted.

  And then maybe we'd figure out what to do with ole snarly.

  We backed away from the dark cage and began searching the predawn beach. What had been beautiful in the daytime felt ominous now. Shadows reached from the dunes and unidentifiable objects seemed to swallow the moonlight.

  I stopped to check out a shadowy lump that turned out to be a tangled mass of seaweed. Dimitri got out a little bit ahead of me, toward the water.

  "Take a look at this," he said, standing over a blackened circle of sand near the breakers. It looked like the remains of a portal. He bent down to take a sample.

  Holy Hades. "Wait!" That could be black magic. I dashed across the beach, my toes digging into the sand.

  His fingers touched the ashy residue and I had sudden images of it consuming him, killing him, transporting him to hell. I didn't know. I stumbled over my feet as it flaked away in his fingers, leaving nothing. He frowned, focused on the smidge of black on his pointer finger and not the fact that I'd been damned near ready to save his life, if not his soul. "This must be where he crossed over."

  I rested my hands on my knees, insanely relieved to have him here, in one piece. "You gave me heart palpitations, touching the remains of evil."

  He seemed almost amused at that. "I'm a griffin."

  Hmm. Yes. Goodness and light. It would only get him so far. I was about to tell him that when the entire dark circle began crumbling apart. It was as if the varied parts of it decided to take flight at the same time. I felt the magic stir, the heavy weight lift as we watched it rise, bit by bit, and scatter to the wind.

  "Dark magic always covers its tracks," I murmured. Grandma had told me that. Still, it creeped me out to see a live demonstration.

  I wondered if the portal was still there. Maybe we simply couldn't see it. I braced myself and walked directly into the place where the dark circle had been.

  Nothing.

  I tested it with my foot, pressing my toes into the sand, bracing myself in case it gave way. I felt only solid earth underneath.

  Okay. I stood for a moment, as if the portal would open up if I wished hard enough.

  "You think it's still here?" I asked, trying to feel something, anything, in the air around me.

  "God, I hope not," Dimitri said. The last portal we'd tried together had sent us straight to hell.

  Right. "I'm going to try a spell jar," I said.

  Dimitri backed off several paces. I tried not to take it personally. Last week, I'd shown Dimitri the supposedly "mild" wildlife enchantment spell Grandma had taught me. Unfortunately, it had made me wildly attractive to every bird, bunny, lizard, and ladybug for a five-mile radius. I'd felt like a princess in a Disney movie.

  And we still had bunnies under the porch.

  I pulled a jar out of my utility belt and held it up. "This one is supposed to flush out evil." If it worked right.

  We both backed up several more steps. I glanced at him. "Relax. It'll work."

  I gripped the slick jar. We braced ourselves as I heaved it directly at where the portal had been.

  It didn't break. It didn't release any spells. It just landed with a thunk in the sand.

  Dimitri eyed me, half cringing. "Good try."

  Hmm. I rested my hands on my hips. "At least I didn't break any glass on the beach." I hadn't thought of that when I first tossed it.

  Dimitri watched as I retrieved the spell. "Here," I said, screwing open the jar. I'd had it open when I mixed everything. The sludge looked like the same nasty copper-smelling stuff. "One more time," I said, trying this time to launch the contents of the jar at where the portal should have been.

  The spell landed with a splotch at my feet.

  Not very aerodynamic.

  Worse, it just kind of sat there. Grandma's anti-demonic spell glowed really cool and would expose the tinges of evil in the air. It would also suck them up and give off this vibrant blue glow.

  My spell just made a mess on the sand, not unlike a dead jellyfish.

  I studied the gloppy pile. "It might need more goodness and light." Flowers could work. Botanicals did wonders for a spell. I nibbled at my bottom lip. I couldn't tell very well in the dark, but… "I think I saw a wild azalea on the way down here."

  "Stop," Dimitri said, a little more forcefully than necessary. "You can figure it out later, when we don't have a creature from another dimension on our beach."

  Good point. Cripes. I might be the Exalted Demon Slayer of Dalea, but I sucked at being a witch.

  "Come on." He turned, his shoulders bunching in the moonlight. "The tide's moving in."

  The water had already crept up on the remains of the entry point. We began at that spot and followed deep ruts in the sand.

  The tracks twisted in spots, betraying the difficulty in transporting a wild beast. I ran a toe over one. "He had to be strong to make it this far."

  "Or under the influence of something powerful." Dimitri used the flashlight to take a closer look at a particularly nasty gouge in the sand.

  "I wish I could peg that voice," I said. It had been familiar, yet disguised. I didn't like it at all.

  We pursued the tracks all the way back to our buddy in the cage.

  Dimitri eyed the beast as it slammed its body against the bars.

  The thuds I'd heard must have come from the creature smacking against the cage. The rattling came from the chains.

  I shook my head. "That thing's going to brain itself."

  Dimitri snorted. "Better it than us."

  At least the cage stood far enough from the water to be safe from high tide. We didn't need our monster floating away. Now we just needed to worry about the joggers once the sun came up.

  Dimitri studied the rattling cage. "Let's get it out
of here."

  "Right," I said. We needed to get a move on, and frankly, I was thankful to have my husband around. He had supernatural strength, while I still had trouble opening pickle jars. "We can hide it in the garage," I announced. I didn't see any other good options. We were living in a town house, for heaven's sake.

  Dimitri chuckled. I couldn't tell if he was amused or what as he lowered his head and unzipped his black dress pants. Oh my. The realization hit me so hard, I forgot to even get a good look. Dimitri didn't intend to drag this thing, as our mysterious visitor had. He was going to shift.

  I stepped back a few paces as thick lion's fur raced up his arms. Claws erupted from his hands and feet. He grew fast, transforming as bones snapped and muscles thickened. Red, purple, and blue feathers cascaded down his back and formed wings. In less than a minute, I stood staring at a beautiful griffin the size of a truck.

  "I don't think I'll ever get tired of watching you do that," I told him.

  He tossed back his eagle's head and stretched his wings out wide.

  As a man, he was intimidating. As a griffin, he was something else entirely.

  I gathered up his pants, and then located a large hauling rope in the utility shed under the deck. With the pants slung over my shoulder, I tied one end of the rope tight to the handle at the top of the cage and secured the other half around Dimitri's formidable lion's chest.

  A light went on in our complex, just a few units down. The darkness still hid what we were doing, but dawn would be coming soon.

  "Yikes," I said, double-checking my knots.

  Dimitri pawed at the ground.

  I hoped that any nosy neighbors couldn't see the actual cage. Otherwise, we'd have to come up with a good story, one that didn't involve mythical beasts and demons.

  With a mighty flex of his wings, Dimitri took to the air. Soon, the cage lifted up as well. He carried it easily, past the shoreline and over our place. I followed, but hadn't even made it halfway before he'd touched down in the small parking lot behind our complex.

  We'd done it. Together.

  I just hoped the evil creature and its cage could fit inside our modest one-car garage.

  Dimitri had shifted back by the time I reached him. The rope lay in a puddle at his feet, and he stood tall, looking quite wonderful naked. Too bad we didn't have time for me to show my appreciation.

  I kissed him on the cheek and handed him his pants, like a good wife. "This feels so Leave It to Beaver," I said as I went to punch in the code to the garage door.

  "What episode did you watch?" he asked, working on his pants while the door went up.

  We'd already cleared the space for Flappy, so it was just a matter of moving some dragon toys, a blanket, and a small treasure chest that Pirate seemed to think his pet needed. Dimitri managed to push the cage all the way to the rear wall. Even still, the creature barely fit.

  My husband cringed. "This is such a bad idea."

  I couldn't argue with him there. The cage took up most of the narrow space. The heavy bars and red vapor were a stark contrast to our pretty yellow-painted garage.

  "Too bad it's our only idea," I told him. Our nighttime visitor had been up to something. He left the creature here for a reason. We needed to figure out why, and how to defend ourselves against it. In the meantime, "I wonder what it eats."

  "Lost souls and kitties," he muttered, shoving at the cage, trying to get it farther back.

  Just then, I caught Pirate out of the corner of my eye. I fought back a groan. He bounded across the parking lot, dragging the remains of his doggy chain.

  "What are you doing?" he called. "I know you found something. I barked at it! Did you hear me barking?"

  Did his paws even touch the pavement? "How did you get loose?" I asked, intercepting him before he got too close. With skill born from years of practice, I caught him in mid-leap and scooped him up in my arms.

  He wriggled like a caught fish. "I woke up Flappy and got him to chomp through my chain." He dug his cold, wet nose into the crook of my elbow, testing my grip. "I can't believe you chained me. Who ties up a dog?"

  A strong breeze whipped over us as Flappy touched down outside.

  I could feel the energy of the beast behind me. I glanced back. The rising sun shed light into the cage and onto the creature, revealing scraggly hair, massive paws, and even more teeth. It was built like a wolf, only bigger, and infused with pure rage.

  Pirate managed to crane his neck around me and caught his first glimpse. "It's a puppy!"

  It drew back and lunged, trying to bite through the bars.

  "I stand corrected," Pirate said. "It's a watch dog!"

  "No," I said, managing to keep a grip on my dog, despite his efforts to jump down. "We don't know what it is."

  "Only that you need to stay ten feet back at all times," Dimitri added.

  He might as well have been speaking Chinese, for all the attention Pirate gave his warning.

  Pirate cocked his head, his ears pricking. "Can we keep it?"

  As if on cue, a hairy snout poked out and a low, menacing growl echoed throughout the garage.

  "He just doesn't like to be tied up," Pirate said. "Believe me," he said, raising his voice, his nails digging into my skin as he tried to scramble past my arm, "I know how you feel."

  At least Flappy had some sense. The dragon crouched on the other side of us, snarling and baring his sharp white fangs.

  "Don't be jealous, Flappy," Pirate ordered. My dog sniffed the air. "That poor doggy is just sad. And alone. We should call him Hairy."

  "We're not keeping him," I said to Pirate.

  The dragon began garbling under his breath. Black smoke curled from his nostrils.

  I pointed a warning finger at him. "No fireballs."

  We had to get this garage closed before Flappy spit flames or the neighbors saw what we had in here. Yes, we were in progressive California, but even liberals had their limits.

  Dimitri gritted his jaw. "I'm thinking a demon sent it after us."

  I shook my head. "Not in a cage."

  He stood between the beast and me. Dimitri grabbed a flashlight off the wall of the garage. He shone the light inside and we saw lots of coarse gray and black fur.

  "We have to figure out what this is."

  And who had it in for us.

  In the meantime…

  At least our garage had a solid door.

  Chapter Three

  That door had begun rumbling down when Sarayh, the head of our homeowners association, came ambling from between buildings two and three, right across from us. She waved, as if she wasn't surprised at all to find her neighbors gathered in front of the garage at dawn.

  Frankly, I should have expected her. Sarayh walked her dog every morning.

  She crossed the lot and headed straight for us, with Moxie the poodle at the lead. "You sure got an early start," she said, smiling at Dimitri. I took it as a compliment. My tall Greek husband was a sight to see.

  Moxie made a mad dash for Pirate as they drew closer.

  "Hello sweetness!" my dog gushed, going in nose-first and getting right up in her personal space.

  She wagged her tail.

  Pirate turned back to me. "She's not much of a talker."

  It took me a second to realize my neighbor stood watching me and not the animals. Because, of course, she couldn't hear what Pirate had to say. "Um." I scrambled to recover the thread of her conversation. "What were we talking about?"

  Sarayh gave a knowing grin. "You, him, butt-crack of dawn, out on the beach…"

  Yes. Well, I supposed it was strange for us to be outside the garage, with me wearing only Dimitri's shirt and him, standing there in a pair of half-buttoned pants, with his undershirt in one hand. "We just needed to grab something," I said, hoping she didn't ask what.

  "Sure you did," my neighbor said, winking. "I don't mind. Newlyweds and all," she added, giving Dimitri an appraising look, "but I wanted to stop and tell you…I got a few calls about it.
"

  "It's not what you think," Dimitri said. His face betrayed nothing, but there was a definite cringe in his voice.

  She held up a hand. "I don't want to know. Just…try not to growl so loud. Or shine lights all over." She toyed with her brown ponytail. "You might also want to double-check your garage. I think something broke in there."

  I looked to see where she pointed and saw a thin line of wetness coming from under the door and a faint smoke coming from the edges.

  Oh, geez.

  She frowned, the tanned skin of her forehead pinching. "I hope it's not coming from your recycling. You know how Stella wants everyone to wash bottles and jars before they go in your bin," she said, as if that were the only thing I had to worry about.

  "We'll take care of it," Dimitri said stiffly.

  "Right," Sarayh said. She tossed her hair back. "I mean I don't care what you do. Personal freedom and all. But don't get in Stella's way when she's trying to save the planet."

  "Believe me, I understand." I had to try to save the planet more often than I cared to admit.

  Meanwhile Moxie had wandered over to inspect the door of our garage. It rattled, sending the dog jumping back a foot.

  "Raccoon," Dimitri said quickly.

  Our friendly HOA board director nodded a few too many times. "Wow. Okay. I'll call wildlife rescue."

  "No," I said quickly. "We've got it."

  "Sure thing," she said, walking to pick up Moxie, giving an extra glance at the growling coming from the garage.

  Why did I ever think I could have a normal life?

  She forced a smile. "Don't forget about girls' night out. Craft beers and henna tattoos on the beach. It would be a great way for you to meet the neighbors and show them how nice you are." She winked.

  "Thanks," I said, relieved when she began her good-byes. I didn't need to be making inane chitchat with a woman who may or may not think I just had sex on the beach.

  Sarayh waved, and—after carrying her dog past our garage—she resumed her walk.

  "You should go to girls' night," Dimitri said as we headed back to the vibrating garage.